motherhood

The other day I was snuggling my baby girl because she wasn’t feeling very well.

It hit me that our oldest P, was the same age as Miss C is now when A was born.

Memories came flooding back to that time and I found myself feeling sorry for the poor kid.

I was such a young mom and my husband was working nights.  So in part, I was just surviving; not truly living.

At 20 months, P’s world was flipped upside down and a new baby sister was brought home.  He was still such a baby, but looking back I didn’t really see it that way.  From then on, I’ve expected a lot out of the sweet boy.

He’ll be six in May and I’m trying to figure out where the time has gone.

For the past six years there has been so much change that I feel like I was always in survival mode.  Trying to adjust to new towns, making our houses feel like home, packing and unpacking, nursing babies, and not really enjoying life the way God intended.

God has really been working on my heart lately and showing me who I am in Him, and it feels incredible.  He’s revealing where my priorities have been and where they should be. 

The past five years have flown by and some days I feel like I’ve missed out or not truly enjoyed the journey.

So I say it’s time to start living.  Time to embrace each day and see the good in it.  Time to enjoy the kids while they are little(and let them be little) and give them all of me.  We have 18 short years to impact them and turn their hearts toward God; I want to make each moment count!

This is the day the Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it! Psalm 118:24

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It’s not common for me to post two times in one day, but I had to share with you.

I read a post by Sally Clarkson today and fell on my knees.  I had tears streaming down my face and told God to free me from the bondage.

I’ve done this to myself.  I think everything has to be just right and strive to be ‘perfect’ in so many areas of my life.  I’ve put this pressure on myself and I am just plain tired.

Tired of trying to fit a mold that is unattainable.

“It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery.” Galatians 5:1 

I’m not perfect which is exactly they way it should be.  If I were perfect I wouldn’t need Jesus.  And we all know how utterly hopeless I’d be without Him..

I look around my home and see everything that is un-done and then I sigh when someone else needs one more thing.  The sighing occurs too often and they all hear it.  It needs to stop.  I’m his wife and their momma and my job is to care for them with a joyful heart.

“Whatever you do, do it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.”-  Colossians 3:23

Instead of seeing the undone, I’m choosing to see the beauty around me.  Yes, I’ll still care for my home and have to cook, clean, do laundry, etc, but that’s not going to be at the top of my list.

So today I’m rejoicing that God has opened my eyes to my heavy heart.  He’s speaking to me about where my heart and my focus are and where they need to be. 

It doesn’t matter if my house is a mess, the kids aren’t matching when they dress themselves, or are acting like kids(that’s what they should be doing and I need to embrace it!).  What matters is that I’m actively seeking the Lord and finding refuge in Him.  He will be my strength to get it all done.  He will be my guide. 

I want Him to say “Well done, my good and faithful servant.”

And I want my kids to know they matter more than any other distraction.  I want them to know that I gave my all the short 18 years I am blessed with to raise them.

So am I a perfect wife, mom, friend, etc?  Do I have it all together?  Not even close and that’s just fine with me.

“Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and You will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

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